By Jennifer McPherson

For a long time, I believed something about myself that quietly shaped my choices, my finances, and my sense of worth.

I believed that being administrative—being organized, detailed, financially minded, structured—somehow made me less prophetic.

I didn’t say it out loud like that, but it lived under the surface of my decisions. I carried a quiet assumption that if I leaned into accounting, administration, or infrastructure, I was choosing “king” over “priest.” And in my distorted understanding of spirituality, priest always felt holier.

So I resisted parts of myself.

The Hidden Cost of a Fragmented Theology

Over the years, I’ve worked in spaces where my heart was deeply connected to the mission. I still believe in that work. But I have been financially unstable in every recovery role I’ve ever held—not because I’m lazy or unskilled, but because I was trying to serve from only part of who I am while silencing the rest.

At the same time, when I worked in accounting or administrative roles, I didn’t show up fully there either. I tucked away my prophetic, visionary, relational side like it didn’t belong. No matter where I was, I was fragmented.

The Lie I Didn’t Know I Believed

That administration is less spiritual than encounter.
That provision is suspicious.
That structure quenches the Spirit.
That struggle proves faithfulness.

That lie taught me to distrust parts of myself God intentionally designed.

Integration Is the Invitation

God was never asking me to choose between priest and king. He was inviting me to become whole.

The prophetic doesn’t disappear when you build infrastructure—it matures. Administration doesn’t silence the Spirit—it gives the Spirit somewhere to rest. Provision isn’t proof of compromise—it’s often proof of alignment.

Grieving What I Rejected

There’s grief in realizing how much I rejected parts of myself God called good. But there’s also relief. I no longer have to hate the parts of me God created.

I don’t have to choose between compassion and competence. I don’t have to choose between intimacy and infrastructure.

A Quiet Resolution

I don’t have every vocational answer yet, but I am done fragmenting myself to fit a spiritual prototype that was never God’s design.

Wholeness is not compromise. Integration is not betrayal. And building, when done in love, is worship.